Many people say: “Why do I have to change? It is the bully who needs to change.” In fact when the bully does not change, resentments can build in the target and that can be an unfortunate slope to be sliding down all of a sudden.

Yes, it would be most ideal if the bully would change.  Did you know you can put forward the best coping skills and the bully still might not change? The real question is “How will you protect yourself from taking on unwanted, unneeded and unnecessary resentment that you are experiencing due to the frustration?”

Unfortunately, if you do not protect yourself, the bully wins. This article is about helping you to move through any resentment that might be holding you back from the joyful life you deserve. It might help you to know you are not alone. We receive emails and calls from all over the world from people experiencing bullying.  It’s also not fair for you to carry this heavy load on your shoulders.

The 5 Steps to Overcoming Resentment:

Step 1: Identify

1. Make a list of people in your past or present that you hold any level of resentment toward.
2. What did they do that is causing you to feel this resentment? List behaviors of what happened.
3. How real or imagined are these offenses?
4. When you have this feeling of resentment, how does it make you feel? Act?
5. What have you stopped doing or experiencing as a result of these resentful feelings? (Robbing you of the joyful life you deserve).

Once you’ve identified each person and the extent to which this resentment has affected you, next is to reflect upon your past, present and future.

Step 2: Reflection

1. What irrational thinking are you locked into because of your resentment?
2. How will ridding yourself of resentment help you to develop a positive belief system?
3. How can you loosen the bonds and open yourself in anger workouts over those you resent? Are you stuck in a pattern?
4. How do you want to behave instead?
5. What would your life look like without the resentment?

Step 3: Action

1. Write a letter (not to be mailed or emailed). Be as honest and straightforward as possible to each person you resent. Record all offenses (real or imagined).
2. Ask why each person treated you poorly. Was it real or imagined?
3. Decide to do something fun, rewarding and supportive for yourself in the next 24 hours. Knowing what that could be is half the battle! Following through is the other half. Deciding is power; following through is empowerment.  Coffee anyone?
4. Put up photos in your surroundings, of people who have overcome adversity. A picture says 1000 words. Maybe some day your picture will serve to inspire another. Even one photo can make a marked difference. Who will you choose?
5. Forgive each person. This sounds easy but might be difficult. It is worth it.  Forgiving means you take the pressure off of you so you don’t carry it around anymore.  It does not mean you’re letting the bully off the hook.

Step 4: Visualize Your Future

Can you visualize your life and work situation, without the negative impact of resentment? Imagine this vision in a journal and affirm its reality daily. The vision leads the leader.

Step 5: Are You There Yet?

If you still find yourself bogged down by the negative effects of resentment, then try working through the steps once again, this time with a buddy who can listen empathetically so your thoughts can be received. Sometimes having someone ‘hear’ our story can help.

Experiencing workplace bullying is not fair. It is also not fair to have to live a life full of resentment. Also check out: Handling Workplace Bullying Resentment and Anger for additional help. Let’s make sure you are in charge of living the joyful life you deserve.

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One response to “Overcoming Workplace Bullying Resentment”

1. Tweets that mention | Bully Free at Work -- Topsy.com says:

   November 3, 2010 at 2:07 pm

   […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by eBossWatch and Larry Curry, Larry Curry. Larry Curry said: RT @ebosswatch: Bully Free at Work Overcoming Resentment from Workplace Bullying: Part 2 http://ow.ly/19MFod […]

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