People usually know what they don’t want – we hear it in coffee shops, phone calls, at the water cooler, etc.  Have you ever considered that too much time spent on what you don’t want, with very little time actively spent on what we do want, might just create more of the same?

Principle #1:  You Get What You Expect – What Are You Expecting?

It all started with driving into the downhill skiing parking lot with Jack and Ted.  The parking lot was packed.  I said “Jack, you’d better park here.  We’ll never get a parking spot up front”.  Jack said “We’re going to the front – I’m expecting a spot”.  Guess what happened?  Sure enough, there was a spot.  I was humbled.  I am a professional speaker and my job is to inspire others – alas, the teacher becomes the student!

I remember making a decision right at that moment:  “Whenever I come skiing, I am going to expect a parking spot right at the front”.  Guess what happened?  At the end of the season, I was 21 for 21!  You got it – right in the front.

You can apply this principle in any situation, including bullying in the workplace.  How does it work?

1.  Be aware.  Aware of what?  Aware of what you do not want
Example:  “I do not want to park far away”.
Example:  “I do not want to be overlooked by the workplace bully in the next staff meeting”.

2.  Replace what you don’t want with what you do want instead
Example:  “I want to park at the front”.
More powerful:  “I will park at the front”.

Example:  “I want to be able to share my opinion in the next staff meeting”.
More powerful:  “I will be acknowledged for my opinion in the next staff meeting”.

3. Create the belief – See it
Example:  Picture yourself parking in the front.
Example:  Picture yourself sharing your opinion in the staff meeting, and being acknowledged for it.

Note:

• This cancels out your other (very active) mental picture of parking at the back – again; or being stonewalled by the workplace bully and not being asked your opinion in the staff meeting – again.
• We always have a mental picture of something.  Which one will you choose?
• Yes, this may seem uncomfortable and perhaps difficult – try it anyway.

Why does this principle work?

When we expect something, we send off vibrations; and strangely enough, many times we get what we expect.

A lot of top performing athletes, Olympic medal winners, are often asked ‘their secret’.  The answer?  They focus on what they want to happen.

“Besides practice, I constantly see the puck where it needs to be.”
– Wayne Gretzky, All Star NHL Hockey Player

What are you expecting in regards to the workplace bullying?  Even if you feel hopeless and have very little belief that things can be different, try this:

1.  Act on the steps anyway

• Be aware of what you do not want
• Replace what you don’t want with what you do want.
• Create the belief – see it.

2.  Resist the mental and emotional gymnastics that you are trying to rationalize.

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One response to “Workplace Bullying: You Can Have Something Better!”

1. Ramesh Pai says:

   July 31, 2008 at 8:43 pm

   01 Aug 08

   A few years ago I worked for a head of not for profit organization as admn officer. He was the bully of highest order that I ever have met in my 35 years of service life – employment.

   He hardly talked but only shouted instructions. Being a retired Lt Colonel he continuosly barked orders. He took sadistic pleasure in behaving rude and arrogant and meted out insulting humiliating treatement to all those who worked under him. He used intimidating and dominating tactics and the harrassment he dispensed at will tentamounted to ‘ragging’. He interrupted and and interfered in anything and everything that you are doing as your office work.

   At meetings or conferences conducted by the Association he will use or create opportunity to shout – more for the pleasure of attracting atten of the people present. The first time he did this despicsble show unbecoming to – to his stature as a gentleman, I was shocked – almost speechless for quite some time. I was shaking, started getting palpitations.

   But it is not in me to take insult n humialiation lying down. So the first thing I did was to talk to some of the other members of managing committee to keep them informed. They were aware of the person and knew that two other officers working under him had resigned within a span of THREE Months.

   The very next day early morning I telephoned the bully at his residence from my residence. The talk went on like this>
   ” Good morning Sir, I have something to tell you someting which has very seriously hurt me. Yesterday you suddenely started shouting at me in full view of public – in the presence many people known and unknown to me. I find very very difficult to meekly put up with such treatment. My immediate reflex action is to shout back loud enoug for all the people around to make them hear.
   You may not be knowing this special feature and character of my personality. I don’t know how I could contron my reaction yerterday but let me tell you it was really very very difficult for me to keep my mouth shut. Whenever – whoever he may be – shouts at me , I shout back as reflex action which is almost impossible fof me control This is my advance intimation to you of what will happen next time such incidence occurs. When I do this it is with full awareness of consequences – whatever that may be.
   Thank you sir for giving me patient hearing” AND I hanged the phone.

   This talk helped but only for a few days. Then he repeated the shouting in a hotel lobby. I allowed him to go thru the catharsis that he was so very fond of enjoying while continuously mainting eye contact with him with an aggressive look in my eyes that indicated – I may explode any moment. Then in a very low controlled tone I said “Sir, we are in a hotel lobby the ppeple around here are hearing with amusement and amazement. This presents an image of the organization that we belong to – that is not a good immage”
   Luckily for him that he stoppped at that.

   Those who are interested in knowing futher encounters between us may write to me. I will be happy to narate further encounters I had with him which I believe I handled successfully and survived with the same organization.

   Do respond with your comments.

   Rameshchandra PaiRaikar