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WORKPLACE BULLYING

RESPECT • CIVILITY • ACCOUNTABILITY

Workplace Bullying: What’s Love Got To Do With It?

If you could choose any virtue that could “heal” all workplace bullying, misunderstandings, difficult people, what would it be?  What would it look like?  There is one virtue that is the greatest.  Do you know what it is?

Love. We’ve heard it said for years.  What is love specifically, and how does it relate to someone who has either suffered workplace bullying directly as a target, or has witnessed workplace bullying as a bystander?

When someone does not treat us the way we want to be treated, we either:

  1. Push back aggressively (non-loving)
  2. Get walked on by another’s non-loving behavior, or
  3. Have firm and loving boundaries that separate and protect us from harm, and at the same time does not sacrifice our own loving kind spirit.

Here is love defined, best described by the Bible, and a fuller explanation of what love and what love isn’t, in order for you to better observe others’ behavior as well as your own.

1 Corinthians 13: 4-8
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes; always perseveres.  Love never fails.

Patient

  • Enduring: lasting, continuing, durable, permanent, stable, long-term
  • Tolerant: broadminded, open-minded, liberal, forbearing, understanding, charitable
  • Unwearied:
  • Uncomplaining: accepting, accommodating, forgiving
  • Long-suffering: resigned, selfless
  • Serene: tranquil, calm, peaceful, quiet, still
  • Capable of waiting
  • Capable of persevering

Impatient (opposite)

  • Annoyed: angry, irritated, infuriated, exasperated, aggravated, upset, wound-up, bothered, maddened, frustrated, displeased, provoked, riled, incensed, cheesed-off,
  • Irritated: goaded
  • Edgy: prickly
  • Intolerant: bigoted, prejudiced, narrow-minded, small-minded, fanatical

Kind

  • Caring: loving, sensitive, concerned
  • Sympathetic: kindhearted, supportive,
  • Nice: pleasant, good, polite, fine
  • Thoughtful: attentive
  • Gentle: tender
  • Compassionate: empathetic, feeling
  • Benevolent
  • Humane: charitable, civilized
  • Considerate
  • Benign
  • Humanitarian

Cruel (opposite)

  • Unkind: wicked, hurtful, horrid
  • Harsh: insensitive, inconsiderate, unforgiving, severe, strict
  • Mean: despicable, shameful
  • Nasty: horrible
  • Brutal: atrocious, evil, vile
  • Pitiless:
  • Spiteful
  • Vindictive: bitter, spiteful
  • Merciless: hard, unfeeling
  • Vicious: ferocious, fierce, sadistic
  • Heartless: cold-blooded
  • Ruthless: hard-nosed
  • Callous: thick-skinned

As difficult as it is to handle, cope and struggle with workplace bullying, there is a difference between being weak and being meek. The goal is to somehow meet dishonour with honour. Remember you are not alone.

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6 responses to “Workplace Bullying: What’s Love Got To Do With It?”

  1. Bully Free at Work: Valerie Cade says:

    Thank you for the additional reference. It’s always great to have further study.

  2. Linda says:

    THANK YOU VALERIE!!!!! LOVE IS PATIENT AND KIND. I am a Christian. I am respectful and considerate of others, thoughtful of their feelings, always helpful and kind, and treat everyone at work with the same politeness. I am bullied at work every day by two girls. It’s been going on for 8 years. Yes, I said 8. (I need this job or I would not be here.) I am ignored, singled out, and not spoken to by them. They will not sit near me at functions, go in the elevator with me, or hold the door for me. They are sweet and giggly with all others in the office, then turn themselves off when they are only near me. They are rude and mean when no one is around to see. My supervisor says they are jealous of me. Just ignore them. Write it all down. Send it to headquarters. I have tried all that –to just get some respect that all others in the office get. Just a “Hi” or “Hello”. Nope. Bottom line, no one cares. Headquarters will no nothing about it. No one will make them treat me better. The only recourse I have is look to Jesus. I am accountable to Him only. I continue to treat them with kindness, and I know one day they will realize what they are doing, but they are accountable for their actions of cruelty.

  3. Emma says:

    At the same time, and I admit to falling far short of this preferred response of love, (something I believe in fully), both in my heart and actions, setting boundaries might just include removing oneself from the target range. Hard to do but as patient and kind as you may be, a bully doesn’t care or respect boundaries. And if you set them, you may be deemed insubordinate unless you can compromise your boundaries… And so what’s the point?

  4. Ron says:

    “To meet dishonour with honour” … there’s the rub. Seems impossible in a world where it appears rather that “the sacrifice of honour is the uniform condition of success.” For a more in depth examination of this most difficult question, I’d recommend to your readership an essay by R.L. Dabney entitled “The Duty of the Hour”.

  5. Mike Carattini says:

    Hi,

    I am very impressed with your way of expression about these realities the employees are been -BULLIED- for so long, centuries of emotional and physical tortures are been the norm at work places worldwide unfortunatly which in turn created this actual joyless societies accross these years of inflicted abuse of humanbeings. From top to bottom we are expose to such scenarios, unfortunatly. Thrust is a thing of the pass as well since who to believe actually, is a shame! Now I will like to thanks you VALERIE for such extraordinary way of perspective,point of views,intelligence,communication skills you pose, awesome! I do enjoy reading and learning all about this BULLIES ISSUES as to be on guard about such disturbances at work place, we doesn’t need more aggravation, I’ll Bet! When is too much is too much! For real BULLIES are a pain in the neck! In resumen to make a long story short as I learned so far and will even more with your help is that: “Never Think That I Am Not Good Enougth for Anyone, Always Ask If They Are Good Enougth for Me” doesn’t? Sounds Fair Deal To Me and You Too, I’ll Bet! And again thanks again for all your fantastic advicement, I’ll be reading more!

  6. Anonymous says:

    I like how you used the sample of applying agape love in the workplace. Thank you for extending this power emotion into our every day lives as managers.

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Valerie Cade, CSP is a Workplace Bullying Expert, Speaker and Author of "Bully Free at Work: What You Can Do To Stop Workplace Bullying Now!" which has been distributed in over 100 countries worldwide. For presentations and consulting on workplace bullying prevention and respectful workplace implementation, go to http://www.BullyFreeAtWork.com

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