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WORKPLACE BULLYING

RESPECT • CIVILITY • ACCOUNTABILITY

Spread the Word and Inspire Civility at Work

A wife and mother had read the famous book, “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus”, highlighting the differences between men and women.  She got such value from the book, yet she was angry her husband didn’t (yet) have the same awareness she did.  So she scribbled out a note that read “Jim, you need this!”, and put it on the book for him to hopefully see.

Then her son came along and re-wrote the note to say “Jim, I wouldn’t mind your opinion on this…”.  Sure enough, Jim came along, picked up the book and said, “I’ll be in the front room”.  He read the book, thinking ‘She needs me’.

Here’s The Point:

Asking your follow employees, co-workers and your boss “I wouldn’t mind your opinion on this” can create engagement.

What Else?
• You can post this in your lunch room.
• You can print this out and hand it out to everyone at a staff meeting.
• You can leave this in the waiting room, lobby, in the photocopy room.
• You can email this.
• You can make this an agenda item to promote discussion at a staff meeting.

“Good morning, Eeyore,” said Pooh.
“Good morning, Pooh Bear,” said Eeyore gloomily.  “If it is a good morning, which I doubt,” said he.
“Why, what’s the matter?”
“Nothing, Pooh Bear, nothing.  We can’t all, and some of us don’t.  That’s all there is to it.”
“Can’t all what?” said Pooh, rubbing his nose.
“Gaiety.  Song-and-dance.  Here we go round the mulberry bush.”

Just finding a quotation from the donkey created by A.A. Milne is depressing.  But some of us work with, socialize with, or are related to Eeyores.  The good news is you can make sure you’re not an Eeyore by examining your actions.

  1. Encouragers find a reason to acknowledge.  Eeyores are quick to criticize.
  2. Encouragers are self-confident enough to be happy for others’ success.  Eeyores are jealous.
  3. Encouragers smile at others.  Eeyores don’t notice anyone else.
  4. Encouragers offer a hug, a touch, a card or a prayer when people need compassion.  Eeyores do nothing.
  5. Encouragers think before they speak to avoid offensive or hurtful words.  Eeyores spout off, not hesitating to be judgmental or hostile.
  6. Encouragers see the silver lining; they are optimistic.  Eeyores see dark clouds on the horizon.  They are pessimistic.
  7. Encouragers want you to be happy, too.  Eeyores delight in saying, “Misery loves company.”
  8. Encouragers are pleasant to be around.  You feel better about yourself when you are around them.  Eeyores increase the tension.  You feel less powerful and less validated.
  9. Encouragers are fun.  Eeyores are party-poopers.
  10. Encouragers are outwardly-focused on others’ needs.  Eeyores are self-absorbed and ignore what might be best for you.

And:  Encouragers are not perfect, but give even Eeyores mercy!

Even an Encourager may have an Eeyore thought or feeling.  Now you have a decision to make:  How you can respond and set a boundary for yourself?

Here are 3 Tips to Help You Inspire Civility at Work:

  1. No one does better when we think less of him or her.
  2. Question: Who do you need to think better about?  If you can’t think well of another, what do you want instead?  Now make the request.
  3. On a scale of 1 – 5 (5 being the best), ask yourself for each person you work with: “How well do we get along in order to get the work done?”  If it’s a 5 – keep them close and nurture this relationship!  If it’s less than a 5, ask yourself:  What could make it a 5?”

Extra Tip!
A:  Ask yourself – If you changed something about your behavior, would the situation your facing change?  What might that be?

B:  Ask yourself – If I am not happy with the relationship, or at a 5, what do I want from this person instead?

 

*Note: Your name and email will not ever appear, it is strictly used to prevent spam comments.

5 responses to “Spread the Word and Inspire Civility at Work”

  1. Susan says:

    This is great, Valerie! Love it, as I do everything you publish. I bought and printed your online book when I was being mercilessly bullied several years ago as an adult, and it saved my life!Thank you, thank you, thank you for the wonderful work you are doing.

  2. Bullied says:

    Awesome, thank you for sharing this great article. I will also share it with friends and coworkers. Find something good in everyone and everyday. You grow, learn and become a better person that way. Enjoy your day.

  3. Zariel says:

    Wonderful explanation of facts aavillabe here.

  4. Marian says:

    Encouragers and Eeyores, while making simple parallels, is far too black and white for me to believe that the basic principles they represent will lead to a positive outcome. If you work with what is not diagnosed but highly likely sciopathic personalities, no concept seems to work. This people would first need to recgonize that they had issues, own them, and have even a small breath of empathy for others to approach a hopeful resolution. I work with this type of person and she has yet to be honest about anything or have a concern about anyone but herself and will use any means to achieve her desires. Chance after chance was given until there were no chances left to give. The only way I can be effective at work is to have zero contact with this individual. If I thought that asking for her opinion would start a positive dialog, I would haave done it years ago. I feel particularly frustrated that I cannot trust this person nor discuss anything with her without a witness to make sure that the translation remains the same when she decides to try to get me written up for things I never did. She has done this numerous times without a care or concern and enjoyed every moment of it. Your concepts are wonderful for the most part but it won’t fit into every package.

  5. Debbie says:

    I am seen as an Eeyore on the job but I actually
    see myself as an encourager It just takes me
    awhile to get comfortable and trust others not
    to offend me by every opinion I have, I do
    think before I speak but when alot of Eeyores over do it and create the ultimate toxic environment then I do become opinionated to try
    to clear the air and let them know I won’t take
    the bullying laying down When You’re new you
    have to take a little but when it doesn’t stop
    and stop and you have tried to be a good employee
    then they need to take a look at their own behavior and stop making you look bad
    I feel the workplace should revert back to just
    that , it seems that the goal is to have a good
    time at others expense and the physical part of
    work has ceased That’s what we are all in a
    company for to begin with but employer goals
    and outlooks have turned into something beyond
    work Too much fun stuns work progress and
    good service because funners don’t pay attention
    at times and can cost a business customers

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Valerie Cade, CSP is a Workplace Bullying Expert, Speaker and Author of "Bully Free at Work: What You Can Do To Stop Workplace Bullying Now!" which has been distributed in over 100 countries worldwide. For presentations and consulting on workplace bullying prevention and respectful workplace implementation, go to http://www.BullyFreeAtWork.com

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