Remember, the bully has a plan. A plan to have power over you. Also remember this is not your fault. You didn’t cause it, you cannot control it and you can’t cure it. This is a popular phrase used with people with addictions and their loved ones. It’s the loved ones that often feel responsible to ‘make things better’ and all around the world loved ones are coached to internalize this: This addictive behavior is not about you. Consider yourself the loved one when dealing with workplace bullies.
When a bully hooks their bait for you to take, go straight instead of taking the bait. What does this mean?
Do you ever feel this way? The bully attacks you with a statement and this leaves you feeling like you have to defend yourself and you get caught up in wondering what to say…AND completely forget about yourself, your own plans and your own path. Do this over and over again and a target may lose a sense of themselves. It’s okay; if you recognize this pattern now, you can decide to try something new…today. Here it is:
Situation: Target is cornered and attacks the bully’s bait with blame. No win.
Try this instead: Target is cornered and replies directly to the attack, gaining the upper hand and causing confusion for the bully.
Here’s the key! By asking “when” questions, you catch the bully off guard. They are not expecting you to go ‘straight’; they are expecting you to take their bait.
So, practice asking ‘when’ questions to catch the bully off-guard and see what happens!
PS: Did you know that our book Bully Free at Work is distributed in over 100 countries worldwide? If you haven’t gotten your copy yet, it might just be the time!
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Valerie Cade, CSP is a Workplace Bullying Expert, Speaker and Author of "Bully Free at Work: What You Can Do To Stop Workplace Bullying Now!" which has been distributed in over 100 countries worldwide. For presentations and consulting on workplace bullying prevention and respectful workplace implementation, go to http://www.BullyFreeAtWork.com
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