One of the most frequent questions we are asked is: How can I say something to the bully…not at the expense of myself or others? Many of you are saying these four things:
1. I don’t know what to say to the bully.
2. I want to say something but I am scared of retaliation.
3. I feel paralyzed and therefore I don’t stand up for myself.
4. I detest leaving an ‘incident’ where the bully got the upper hand…again. What can I do?
It is commonplace for someone who’s been bullied to feel like the wind has been knocked right out of your sails. Call it shock. When this happens, most targets feel they’d still like to have the confidence to say something rather than simply be a whipping board and stand by idly.
I used to think I was going crazy until:
Here are 3 things I learned over the years:
1. When I realize and accept that the bully will never reach out to me, this is the first step to building back my self-confidence.
2. How to not take some of the things the bully does personally. Saying this is the easy part…knowing it – well, I must remember the bully is motivated by a deep insecure sense of low self-worth that started long before I came into the picture.
3. Knowing that the bully’s brutal behavior has nothing to do with me might be hard to swallow, but it is the truth. Self doubt, although very understandable, is exactly what the bully wants from me.
Did you know that I was bullied at work not just once, not just twice, but three distinct times? Did you know that I am experiencing a bullying situation right now?
So why am I telling you this? Even though I travel the world speaking to help people and organizations stop workplace bullying, I must confess I was blind-sided when this happened to me. Knowing what to do is helpful – make sure you get and stay educated.
Knowing that it’s happening is harder to detect, but by being educated in the first place, my resilience bounced back faster. However, the confidence of knowing what to say and planning what to say…well, let me be open with you – I decided to listen to “Win-Win Assertiveness”, and I was quickly reminded:
So, these were the secrets that helped me once again!…and now we have people that we’ve helped in over 100 countries from all over the world. Win-Win Assertiveness not only has the best secrets of how to ‘say something to the bully’ (the ‘information’), but it is recorded live in
2 CDs complete with a CD workbook you can use to follow along. The live recording is your ‘inspiration’…working through this is your ‘implementation’ plan for moving ahead.
We all benefit from studying what has helped others. So why not take advantage of Win-Win Assertiveness and get your copy right away? Isn’t it time to gain back some confidence?
For your step-by-step guide on how to stop the Workplace Bullying that is happening to you, order our eBook or hard cover book of Bully Free at Work.
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Valerie Cade, CSP is a Workplace Bullying Expert, Speaker and Author of "Bully Free at Work: What You Can Do To Stop Workplace Bullying Now!" which has been distributed in over 100 countries worldwide. For presentations and consulting on workplace bullying prevention and respectful workplace implementation, go to http://www.BullyFreeAtWork.com
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