Being picked last for the team, not being able to find a room-mate in college, being left off of a party list, or not being asked your opinion while others can speak freely are just some examples of ‘rejection’ experienced by almost everyone. Being rejected repeatedly by the same person can be a form of workplace bullying and it hurts. The question is, how can you move on from the horrible emotional feeling of rejection and gain back the joyful existence you once had?
Why Do We Feel Rejected?
Feeling rejected is based on the target’s say-so. One cannot argue with feelings. Our ability to handle rejection: Those who had secure attachments earlier in life have a healthier view of rejection. Some people have a higher ability to handle rejection than do others. Who tends to reject us is another factor. If it is a transactional rejection such as a clerk in a store, admitting nurse or police officer whom we might only see once, we are apt to shoulder it a little easier than when faced with rejection from one’s primal or social community. It could stem back to early childhood; even the womb. Suffering rejection from our community gives us a ‘loose filter’ at best. It would be safe to say that one might not have the capacity that others might have during these times. We will either feel the effects as deeper wounds, or we’ll react to the slightest of rejections with more intensity – or both.
Why would someone reject us?
1. Someone is unaware of causing you to feel rejected. You have an expectation of someone, yet they are unaware of it. You decide it is rejection because you think ‘they should know better’. Consider these situations:
2. Someone is aware of wanting you to feel rejected. They do understand what they are doing and how it will make you feel. Causing intentional rejection over and over again, is bullying. Remember, someone rejecting you is about them rejecting themselves. It is a projection of their own hurt. Here are some ways in which you may experience ‘rejection’ from another:
What drives all of this? Envy. The bully either wants what you have or they just simply do not want you to have “something”. The bully wants to take what doesn’t belong to them – your satisfaction.
What Happens When You Feel Rejected?
Some people, after years of rejection, may now act as the ‘rejecter’. Nothing seems to be good enough or acceptable enough. These people might find themselves constantly offended or disappointed. It might be situational, or all the time. This is a reaction to the initial rejection, or ‘wound’ that was once experienced.
Experiencing prolonged rejection we may:
What Can You Do?
Remembering that rejection happens to everyone is important. Secondly, being bullied and feeling rejected can knock even the most competent person off their stride. Having said that, and knowing you do not want to feel the hurtful and sad feelings rejection brings, here are some things you can do:
We are more than our emotions. We are wonderful people worth celebrating and honouring. For additional support and information on handling rejection, Check out our book Mastering the Art of Success to help you.
*Note: Your name and email will not ever appear, it is strictly used to prevent spam comments.
Valerie Cade, CSP is a Workplace Bullying Expert, Speaker and Author of "Bully Free at Work: What You Can Do To Stop Workplace Bullying Now!" which has been distributed in over 100 countries worldwide. For presentations and consulting on workplace bullying prevention and respectful workplace implementation, go to http://www.BullyFreeAtWork.com
© Bully Free at Work. All rights reserved: All trademarks used or referred to on this site are the property of their respective owners. No materials on this site may be reproduced, altered, or further distributed without Bully Free at Work’s prior permission.