Wouldn’t it be great to say what you want to say, not at the expense of yourself or others? A lot of being able to do that is due to confidence – and that can sometimes take a long time to build. Here are 10 tips you can try, even if you are not all that confident (yet)!

1. When you want to get off the phone…“Before I let you go, is there anything else?”

2. When your long-winded co-worker says “Have you got a minute?”…“I’ve got about (2) minutes, is now good or is _________ a better time?”

3. When you’re talking to someone in the hall and they follow you to your desk… Say “let me walk you to your desk”

4. When you might not have time to listen properly…Say “Now’s not a good time for me, is ________ okay?”

5. When someone sends you an e-mail or voice mail that is not “comfy”…See them face-to-face – best communication. To really address the issue, check out our Crucial Conversation Planner (pg 168) of Bully Free at Work.

Bully Free at Work News for You!

• Bill 168 came into effect in Ontario, Canada in June 2010. This is government legislation to protect workers against workplace violence and harassment. Sometimes knowing what is in the law and what isn’t in the law can help you. While this is a good start, we still have a long way to go as we tend to have a system of law, not so much a system of justice at times! You can read more at http://www.ontla.on.ca/web/bills/bills_detail.do?locale=en&Intranet=&BillID=2181
• Many of you have asked for coaching and professional counselling with regard to helping you to cope with workplace bullying. We are pleased to be able to offer this service to you from qualified workplace bullying experts. Let us know how we can help by contacting us.

Now back to the last 5 Tips!

6. When you want “shorter meetings”…Ask everyone if they want “shorter meetings” and then suggest an hour glass be placed in the center of the table.  If someone is off topic – they have the right to turn it over, leaving the speaker 30 seconds to wrap up.  Will you offend?  Remember, if the promise is clear the price is easy to pay! Agree up front and you’ll have a room full of people that were glad you did it!

7. Miscommunication with someone?Discuss the “issue,” look to gain an agreement (pg. 170 in Bully Free at Work) and follow-up in writing stating:  “As a follow-up to our discussion…”  This documentation becomes a third party reference and you’re not the bad guy, as you’ve both agreed! Too much writing for you?  Ask the other party to write their understanding of your discussion by a certain agreed upon date and to give you a copy.

8. People “complaining” and you want them to stop…

• Acknowledge their feelings so they feel understood: “That must have been difficult…”.
• If it persists: Ask, “I’m curious, have you thought of what you might do?”

9. Someone is rude, unkind, etc.

• Say to yourself, “Too bad they had to choose that behavior.”  What need are they protecting?
• Say to them: “Interesting… that sounds like a put down to me.”

10. Want people to return your correspondence?

• Keep it short.
• Give your name and phone number up front as well as reason for connecting.
• Be “fun” yet professional; have an upbeat tone of voice.
• State when you’re available to connect (times and dates).
• Ask what they prefer for communications: e-mail, voice mail, in person or…
• Look to cc a higher authority on your email in order to alert the bully that you are trying to connect.

*Note: Your name and email will not ever appear, it is strictly used to prevent spam comments.

One response to “10 Tips To Say What You Mean to Say”

1. Bob J. says:

   May 13, 2010 at 6:47 am

   Bullies like to dish it out but can’t take it when it’s given back. It isn’t fun anymore to the bully.