Helping You Cope With & Stop



After creating clarity of what you want and what you do not want, confidence is key. Many people continue to get informed but at some point you will want to have the confidence to take the action you so deserve.

1. The concept of self-confidence is acceptance of the many consequences of a situation; good or bad.

Question: Are you believing “If I just do this, the bully will be nicer”? It won’t happen.

Question: What do you need to do to fully accept (not condone) the bully? They are the way they are.

2. Worrying less about the disapproval of others allows one to be ‘present’ and focused on moving forward. When one does not dwell on negative consequences one can be more ‘self-confident’.

Question: Could you catch yourself when you are worrying and just stop? Being aware and being able to stop is power.

The bully has targeted you because of their lack of confidence. The bully’s opinion of you is not who you are.

3. In addition, belief in one’s abilities to perform an activity comes through successful experience and may add to, or  consolidate, a general sense of self-confidence.

What coping tips could you try with regard to the bully? Walk away first? See all of Chapter 9 (pg 181) in Bully Free at Work for the Top 21 Tips!

4. Know that, arrogance is having unmerited confidence – believing someone is capable or correct when they are not. When the bully has a nonchalant attitude, they appear self-confident when this is not the case. Instead the bully has a poor coping style and does not realistically evaluate situational consequences and the feelings of others. For this reason the bully appears arrogant. They demonstrate an air of superiority and a lack of concern towards the welfare of others and they observe the feelings of others to be insignificant. The more marked this attitude, the greater the likelihood of psychopathology and bullying.

5. Confidence and arrogance are two different things!

  • Question: Can you make the distinction: The bully has arrogant roots in poor soil. You can now create confident roots: make sure you have good soil.


Did You know?

  • That 67% of people being bullied have the intention of leaving their job?
  • And, 1 out of 6 people have reported being bullied at work?
  • That means 67/600 people are planning to leave. What does this do for productivity, morale, safety?
  • Many of you have asked for me to come to your organizations to conduct a workplace bullying session, click here to contact us.
  • Many of you with smaller budgets have raved about our Bully Free at Work introductory DVD (49 minutes) and we just wanted you to know, based on the feedback so far, this has proven to be a very easy way to train a small group of people! Why not order the book to accompany your DVD and create a lunch and learn session?


And Now Back to the Tips!

6. To be happy, we must consider ourselves worthy of happiness.

Soil: Where are you spending your ‘mental time’? Good soil or bad? You get to choose. Choose one activity each day that you can ‘in-joy’. This is honoring yourself. Start with baby steps. For me it was a 5 minute walk in the snow (ok, I like snow), for you it can be anything…but know your deciding is moving you forward. Do it again the next day…

7. We can either achieve or over-come. Both add to creating our self-confidence.

  • Question: Can you start one small project and take small steps toward the end? “Knowing we have what it takes” is key for everyone’s self-esteem. Give yourself a chance to practice achieving something, not just observing or ‘over-thinking’ about life.
  • Question: If you feel you have ‘climbed a mountain’ lately, honor this by writing out and listing all you’ve overcome. Look it over and then pat yourself on the back!
  • PS: While you are at it, a list of the top 5 achievements in your life can remind you quickly what you have accomplished.

8. Handling guilt: Have you ever heard of completing a Moral Inventory? If you do not feel like you can create an environment where you feel free to ‘in-joy’ yourself, perhaps you are overshadowed by guilty feelings for some reason. Writing a list of all the behaviors ‘you feel guilty about and have performed toward others’ can help you to identify what’s holding you back and remove the ‘I’m not worthy’ feelings. Once you have your list completed, state your role (owning your behavior). Admit this to yourself. Try admitting (turning over) this to your higher power and ask for forgiveness. If this sounds familiar and you’d like to no longer have your emotions take control over your life, you might recognize this from ‘Emotions Anonymous”.

9. Write down the 5 values you want to live and read them every day. Then focus on living them. When I did this, I had something different to focus my energy upon. My 5 were and still are in no particular order: Encouragement, empathy, love, kindness and faith. If you are faced with a bullying situation, being mindful of living your way, your values is key as opposed to living in worry, shame, guilt, anxiety etc. Once again, you deciding is the first step.

10. Keep a gratitude journal. Studies have shown those who can still maintain a spirit of gratitude are still humble and they are less resentful even though they may be facing tougher times. In addition, those who maintained this perspective if even only for a few moments each day, slept better, moved along with their plans in confidence and…experienced hope!


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4 responses to “10 Tips To Create Confidence to Handle Workplace Bullies”

  1. Mike says:

    Great tips and advice for the target, unions and company’s have to educate their memberships and employee’s of what workplace bullying is if they knew how many great employee’s they were losing as well as sick time paid on count of this very serious issue, they would education as well as put policy’s in place on bully(and enforce these policy’s)The biggest problem as I see it is there is way to much talking about(bullying) it but not enough action with programs and policy’s to address bullying for what I experienced first hand there is lots of protection for the bully but very little for their target

  2. kalima says:

    what to do at work if one of the staff are giving you a hard time? and were there is two people who you know there making jokes out of you at work?

  3. Celia Harrison says:

    There are some important things I wish I would have known during the severe mobbing I was tortured with for twenty months. Workplace bullies only bully the best. Those who are workplace bullied have very positive characteristics, hard workers, intelligent, knowledgable, likable, have a sense of humor, talented, etc. This is why they are targeting you. If bullied it means you have many positve attributes. Focus on that when they bully you.

  4. Kim Goodner says:

    I recently put the end to most of the severe bullying I was experiencing at work, and I feel very powerful-I have to watch myself-I want to brag and I want to be in the bullies face with it; not only it would put me in the same level as a bully but it would be disobeying my God-Christ. I will tell what I did here. Years ago, I almost committed suicide because of workplace harassment….according to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission: (United States Federal Agency) that when you disclose this to an employer, you are then considered “disabled” and you are protected by the law. I worked with an attorney friend of mine, and I decided to disclose it to the corporate Human Resource Office of the company I work for. I sent it through regular mail…not certified, because that would cause undue irritation. I am not sure that Human Resource Officer got it; but I believe she has, things have been different. I made sure not to give details nor name anybody in the letter; I instructed her only to disclose it with my General Manager.

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Valerie Cade, CSP is a Workplace Bullying Expert, Speaker and Author of "Bully Free at Work: What You Can Do To Stop Workplace Bullying Now!" which has been distributed in over 100 countries worldwide. For presentations and consulting on workplace bullying prevention and respectful workplace implementation, go to

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