After creating clarity of what you want and what you do not want, confidence is key. Many people continue to get informed but at some point you will want to have the confidence to take the action you so deserve.
1. The concept of self-confidence is acceptance of the many consequences of a situation; good or bad.
Question: Are you believing “If I just do this, the bully will be nicer”? It won’t happen.
Question: What do you need to do to fully accept (not condone) the bully? They are the way they are.
2. Worrying less about the disapproval of others allows one to be ‘present’ and focused on moving forward. When one does not dwell on negative consequences one can be more ‘self-confident’.
Question: Could you catch yourself when you are worrying and just stop? Being aware and being able to stop is power.
The bully has targeted you because of their lack of confidence. The bully’s opinion of you is not who you are.
3. In addition, belief in one’s abilities to perform an activity comes through successful experience and may add to, or consolidate, a general sense of self-confidence.
What coping tips could you try with regard to the bully? Walk away first? See all of Chapter 9 (pg 181) in Bully Free at Work for the Top 21 Tips!
4. Know that, arrogance is having unmerited confidence – believing someone is capable or correct when they are not. When the bully has a nonchalant attitude, they appear self-confident when this is not the case. Instead the bully has a poor coping style and does not realistically evaluate situational consequences and the feelings of others. For this reason the bully appears arrogant. They demonstrate an air of superiority and a lack of concern towards the welfare of others and they observe the feelings of others to be insignificant. The more marked this attitude, the greater the likelihood of psychopathology and bullying.
5. Confidence and arrogance are two different things!
Did You know?
And Now Back to the Tips!
6. To be happy, we must consider ourselves worthy of happiness.
Soil: Where are you spending your ‘mental time’? Good soil or bad? You get to choose. Choose one activity each day that you can ‘in-joy’. This is honoring yourself. Start with baby steps. For me it was a 5 minute walk in the snow (ok, I like snow), for you it can be anything…but know your deciding is moving you forward. Do it again the next day…
7. We can either achieve or over-come. Both add to creating our self-confidence.
8. Handling guilt: Have you ever heard of completing a Moral Inventory? If you do not feel like you can create an environment where you feel free to ‘in-joy’ yourself, perhaps you are overshadowed by guilty feelings for some reason. Writing a list of all the behaviors ‘you feel guilty about and have performed toward others’ can help you to identify what’s holding you back and remove the ‘I’m not worthy’ feelings. Once you have your list completed, state your role (owning your behavior). Admit this to yourself. Try admitting (turning over) this to your higher power and ask for forgiveness. If this sounds familiar and you’d like to no longer have your emotions take control over your life, you might recognize this from ‘Emotions Anonymous”. www.emotionsanonymous.org
9. Write down the 5 values you want to live and read them every day. Then focus on living them. When I did this, I had something different to focus my energy upon. My 5 were and still are in no particular order: Encouragement, empathy, love, kindness and faith. If you are faced with a bullying situation, being mindful of living your way, your values is key as opposed to living in worry, shame, guilt, anxiety etc. Once again, you deciding is the first step.
10. Keep a gratitude journal. Studies have shown those who can still maintain a spirit of gratitude are still humble and they are less resentful even though they may be facing tougher times. In addition, those who maintained this perspective if even only for a few moments each day, slept better, moved along with their plans in confidence and…experienced hope!
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Valerie Cade, CSP is a Workplace Bullying Expert, Speaker and Author of "Bully Free at Work: What You Can Do To Stop Workplace Bullying Now!" which has been distributed in over 100 countries worldwide. For presentations and consulting on workplace bullying prevention and respectful workplace implementation, go to http://www.BullyFreeAtWork.com
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