Helping You Cope With & Stop



Workplace Bullying: Boundaries and Not Giving In

Sometimes we cannot fathom the fact that some people don’t share the same level of interest in creating a respectful relationship as we might think they should.  As a result, some people over-give or become over-responsible for creating a connection within the relationship in order to bridge the gap.  In doing so, some people give too much and leave themselves open as a target for continuous disappointment.

Have you found yourself giving in when you’d rather not? How about trying to please someone to no avail? Are you investing your energy wisely? Yoou can still act with a kind heart and have boundaries to protect yourself.

Over-Pleasers: Giving In (Saying “Yes”) to Bad Things


To get along, be liked, be accepted, be included.

What They Do:

When others make demands and know with boldness what they want, the over-pleasers neglect their own needs in order to connect with the other.

What Happens:

The over-pleasers forget what they themselves want.  They find themselves on others’ agendas, and then build secret resentments toward the other person as a result.  They often feel too guilty (“I’m different from you and this is bad”) to stand up for their own needs.  They take on too much because they are scared.


Cannot refuse or say no to bad things, and sometimes will have an inability to see bad things.

Why This Happens:

Over-pleasers grew up not being validated for having their own “say”.  Instead, they were made to feel guilty, and perhaps were alienated for having different needs and opinions.

Why Do They Do That?

  • Fear of hurting the other person
  • Fear of being rejected
  • Fear of not being loved or accepted; in fact, feeling abandoned
  • “Having a difference of opinion means we are not the same; in fact were are separate” – this scares the over-pleaser, who will sacrifice his or her own needs in order to mesh into another’s.  This false connection seems to be more bearable than being alone.

What They Can Do?

  • Study assertiveness (win-win)
  • Practice assertiveness techniques!


If you have struggled with over-pleasing and it’s holding you back from protecting yourself, why not empower yourself now by taking steps to be who you want to be, not at the expense of others… or yourself.  You can order our Win-Win Assertiveness 3 CD set (which includes workbook):

Yes, I Want To Order Win-Win Assertiveness Now!


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Valerie Cade, CSP is a Workplace Bullying Expert, Speaker and Author of "Bully Free at Work: What You Can Do To Stop Workplace Bullying Now!" which has been distributed in over 100 countries worldwide. For presentations and consulting on workplace bullying prevention and respectful workplace implementation, go to

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