First Point: If we were to hold a seminar called “How To Increase Your Self Esteem”, we know many people would not attend as who wants to be seen going into a session like that? You would have to have a high level of self-esteem to enter into the door!

Second Point: Self esteem is at the core of our being and let’s face it, many people all over the world suffer for various reasons with ‘lower self esteem’ due to factors of how they grew up and factors of what they are experiencing now through interacting with their communities. Being bullied or dealing with a very difficult person can ebb your self esteem and chip away at your self confidence and your ability to enjoy life.

Third Point: So what exactly is self esteem? It is how we feel about ourselves, not what someone else thinks or feels about us. Yet…part of this dilemma is that when bullied, we might have a tendency to believe someone else’s perception of ourselves as our perception.

Question: Are you able to separate the two? This is the beginning of securing your self confidence.

Interesting: I was having lunch outside one spring day in Winnipeg, Manitoba 10 years ago with my good friend and colleague, Aime. There was a wasp buzzing around and I tried to swat the wasp and in fact I kept trying to brush this wasp away throughout the lunch while Aime was talking to me. Clearly I was distracted. Aime’s comment to me was this: “The wasp will always be there, it is about your reaction to the wasp. It looks like you’re not winning; what if you tried to just be yourself as if the wasp wasn’t there?”

Ok, if you are like me I thought, “I can’t do that.” Aime, reading my mind made the suggestion to try it for two minutes. It worked.

Consider: Our self confidence can be either nurtured or undermined. If your self confidence is being undermined by a workplace bully, then you are best to ‘even the score’ with some nurturing to strike the balance. Consequently, you may have fantastic support and admiration from many and yet still suffer. This is an inside job and the good news: you do have some control over creating your perception of yourself. You get to decide.

Therefore: Our self concept is what we consciously and sub-consciously think about. What are you thinking about? Is it adding to your self-confidence or taking away from it?  

We Did Say: Our self concept is what we consciously and sub-consciously think about. What are you thinking about? Is it adding to your self-confidence or taking away from it?

Know This: Sometimes we don’t even know what we are thinking. We call this unconsciousness. If we can be ‘conscience’ of what we are thinking, then we can be ‘conscience’ of changing what our thoughts are as well. And then we can consciously change how we might feel about a particular situation; now that’s empowerment!

Try This: Make 2 lists. The first list is: “I like myself most when…” and the second list is “I like myself least when…”.

You’ll Recognize: Your awareness of the behaviors YOU like about yourself (you’ll then attempt to create more experiences like these and doing so will increase your self esteem).   Then you’ll become aware of the behaviors you like least. These are the first steps to change. With the behaviors you like least, the next step is to write: “Here’s what I’d rather do, be, say…”

Here It Is! This week’s message is simple but it might not be easy. The key is to become more aware and notice what you are thinking. You are 100% in control of your thinking (isn’t it nice to have some control)? If you can start with awareness, then and only then can you build to change.

Lastly: What do these people have in common? Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King, Chris Gardner (played by Will Smith in the movie “The Pursuit of Happiness”), Navy diver Carl Brashear who was the first African American Navy Diver (played by Cuba Gooding Jr. in “Men of Honor”). They were all bullied and they all decided how they would think. As a result, they made it through. Now it’s your turn; you deserve it.

P.S. Many people and organizations have asked me to come and share the Bully Free at Work message with their staff. Contact us about having a live presentation to empower your staff or organization.

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