Can you recall having a wonderful 2-way conversation with someone? Yes? Good. Remember that it is possible. This memory, or anchor, can serve as your reality check when you are faced with having to converse with a difficult workplace bully using silence and violence techniques and you just can’t seem to connect.

Do You?

1. Wonder why the person in question is not “hearing you”?
2. Doubt yourself, thinking “what could I do to get this person to hear and acknowledge me?”.
3. Analyze your conversation, scanning for more clues as to what you could do to turn things around?
4. Feel poorly about yourself in some way thinking how it is you who is coming up short and therefore must be the one to try harder?
5. Feel rejected?

Well, Here’s What You Can Do:

Ask yourself: “Is this a respectful exchange where both parties are curious, keen, and looking to connect for a win-win relationship? If not, identify if the other party is using Silence or Violence in order to disconnect from a win-win.

Silence:

Types: Withholding, avoiding, withdrawing, masking.
What is it? Not contributing can be a means of control over a target.

Violence:

Types: Threatening, attacking, name-calling, not letting you finish your statement.
What is it? Direct and overbearing communication toward a target designed to get the target to back down or feel “less than” in order to gain control.

Learning to identify these behaviors is key to empowering yourself. Remember NAMING what is happening is crucial to putting a healthy boundary between you and the bully. And remember, you shouldn’t have to contribute in order to carry the relationship for both of you. Rapport occurs when both parties exchange with one another like tossing a ball back and forth. Be mindful of never getting the ball back!

*Note: Your name and email will not ever appear, it is strictly used to prevent spam comments.

Comments are closed.