The Essence of Influencing a Bully Boss
By admin | December 10, 2009
It is commonplace for someone who’s been bullied to feel like the wind has been knocked right out of your sails. Call it shock. When this happens, most targets feel they’d still like to have the confidence to say ‘something’ rather than simply be a whipping board and stand by idly.
Last month, the most frequent request we received was this: “How Can I Say Something To The Bully…Not At The Expense of Myself or Others?” Many of you are saying these four things:
1. “I don’t know what to say to the bully.”
2. “I want to say something but I am scared of retaliation.”
3. “I feel paralyzed and therefore I don’t stand up for myself.”
4. “I detest leaving an ‘incident’ where the bully got the upper hand…again. What can I do?”
I used to think I was going crazy until:
- I realized “Hey, I do have something to say…maybe I just need to know how I can ‘just say it’ without feeling the baggage.”
- I began to see, “I have had good communication with others. The bully does not care to connect in a win-win way with me…and this says more about the bully than me.”
- In order to have something change, I could wait for the bully to listen to me and ask me how I’m doing (this has NEVER worked), or;
- I could learn Win-Win Assertiveness in order to have my needs met, meet the needs of the company as best as I can, and not harm too many people! What does this mean? I could say ‘something’ without sacrificing my values of wanting to be a kind person, yet I could deliver a powerful statement to the bully that will set a much needed boundary!
Here Are 3 Things I Learned Over The Years:
1. When I realize and accept that the bully will never reach out to me, this is the first step to building back my self-confidence.
2. How to not take some of the things the bully does personally. Saying this is the easy part…knowing it – well, I must remember the bully is motivated by a deep insecure sense of low self-worth that started long before I came into the picture.
3. Knowing that the bully’s brutal behavior has nothing to do with me, might be hard to swallow, but it is the truth. Self doubt, although very understandable, is exactly what the bully wants from me.
Did you know that I was bullied at work not just once, not just twice, but three distinct times? Did you know that I am experiencing a bullying situation right now?
So why am I telling you this? Even though I travel the world speaking to help people and organizations stop workplace bullying, I must confess I was blind-sided when this happened to me. Knowing what to do is helpful – make sure you get and stay educated.
Knowing that it’s happening is harder to detect, but by being educated in the first place, my resilience bounced back faster. However, the confidence of knowing what to say and planning what to say…well, let me be open with you – I decided to listen to “Win-Win Assertiveness”, and I was quickly reminded:
1. I was not alone;
2. I can say something
3. And I can now feel good about saying it.
So, these were the secrets that helped me once again!…and now we have people that we’ve helped in over 100 countries from all over the world. “Win-Win Assertiveness” not only has the best secrets of how to ‘say something to the bully’ (the ‘information’), but it is recorded live in 2 CDs complete with a CD workbook you can use to follow along. The live recording is your ‘inspiration’…working through this is your ‘implementation’ plan for moving ahead.
We all benefit from studying what has helped others. So why not take advantage of “Win-Win Assertiveness” and join me now by clicking below to order your set! And until Monday November 30, we are offering free shipping!
Isn’t it time to gain back some confidence? It really works!
“Win-Win Assertiveness”: 2 Album CD Set Complete With CD Workbook for only $49.97. How can you communicate tactfully with confidence in order to get what you want – not at the expense of yourself or others? They key to having self-confidence is knowing that you have the right to speak up…and having the skills to use a tactful approach so that others welcome your truth!
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For your step-by-step guide on how to stop the Workplace Bullying that is happening to you, order Bully Free at Work.
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My Boss Without Them Knowing It!
How To Manage Your Boss! 3 Album CD Set Complete with Workbook for only $49.97. By understanding what motivates your boss, you can anticipate and appeal to those motivations. Trust is then built. This allows your boss to ‘let go’ so you can take on more responsibilities for your job satisfaction. When you master the skill of managing your boss, you can manage anyone!
Important Security Notice: Your purchase is 100% encrypted, secure, and safe with 1Shoppingcart.com. Please Note: To pay with check, money order or to order by fax please call 1-877-239-4499.
Topics: Uncategorized | 2 Comments »
December 26th, 2009 at 7:04 pm
I want to quote your post in my blog. It can?
And you et an account on Twitter?
December 27th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
Yes, feel free to quote the post in your blog and we only ask that you reference us as ‘Valerie Cade is a workplace bullying expert, speaker and author of Bully Free at Work. http://www.BullyFreeatWork.com. Also if you can provide us with the link to your blog, that would be helpful.
Thank you!