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Valerie Cade, CSP is a Workplace Bullying Expert, Speaker and Author of "Bully Free at Work: What You Can Do To Stop Workplace Bullying Now!" which has been distributed in over 100 countries worldwide. For presentations and consulting on workplace bullying prevention and respectful workplace implementation, go to http://www.BullyFreeAtWork.com
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Wow! I realize this was five years ago but I do hope you got the support from management that you needed to deal with this situation. I am a manager and I believe that your situation should have been handled with a three way conversation and the manager acting as the mediator. Having Management participation validates the bullying as a problem and hopefully send the bully a clear message. To often people take the first step and nothing changes … any similar future action has to be reported to management. This is just my opinion. I don’t work for this website.
I had to set a boundary this week with a bully at work. He was sitting in our cafeteria with his buddies. Three times it happened that when I’d step off the elevator, approaching the cafe, he would make a comment and laugh, his buddies would all turn to look at me simultaneously, and blushing. I was very hurt, embarrassed and just felt something had to be said. When he wrote an email to me this week that was very condescending and copied members of our team on it, I thought this is the time to say something. So I did. I called him outside to discuss both matters, after asking my manager if she felt he was approachable, that I was concerned, but yet did not want to do it, if she thought it was a waste of time. I spoke to him. He turned every word back onto me, stating that I was being self-centered and used a loud bullying tone, indicating he did not give a damn about my feelings whatsoever. I stayed calm, and told him that I felt it was important to discuss it, that I was hurt and disturbed by these behaviors. He simply did not care. Only when my last statement to him indicated it was up to him what he did with the information, did he respond, he’d give that consideration. His tone had remained condescending throughout. I felt I had gotten nowhere fast. It was quite a disappointing discussion, but when you’re dealing with a bully, whether they are 59 or 19, you’re still dealing with a child. I am sickened by the whole event and just wish I’d never said anything. It’s a horrible state of affairs when your boss then turns back on you, too, treating you with a disconnected vibe, after such an effort. I have to assume that my company is now going to see to it that I am not treated well, going forward. They have made a habit of bad behaviors over the years, so I don’t expect this to be a good outcome, in the long run. I feel somewhat upset daily now. It’s horrible to have this sinking feeling to live with now.