Have you ever tried to reach out to your co-workers or friends to tell them about your adult bullying situation, but they weren’t there for you? How about reaching out to your boss and they seemed to either minimize your situation or my favourite, tell you not to feel that way? Have you you also noticed, the more time and energy you devote to preparing to share, the higher your expectations tend to be? Yet, we do not often feel the support we were hoping to receive. Now what? Why does this happen?
The top three reasons why support may not be present for you when you are faced with an adult bullying situation:
1. Others do not know what to do to help; stopping adult bullying is not a topic they know how to coach.
2. Others do not realize that listening and empathizing can help, even if they do not know what other actions to take.
3. Others might not care enough to help. (Most people do/would care if they knew how to help solve adult bullying problems).
Here’s What You Might Experience When You Share Your Adult Bullying Situation:
* You are interrupted
* They don’t want to hear you out – they jump in, trying to tell you what to do – they expect you to be able to “fix” your adult bullying situation right away.
* They listen in order to hear gossip, not for your best interests.
* They disagree with your feelings about your adult bullying situation.
* They change the subject frequently or allow themselves to be interrupted.
* They revert the conversation back to themselves: “Oh yeah, that reminds me of the time when…”
* They use condescending statements such as “How is your bullying situation coming along?”
What Can You Do To Secure Support To Help Handle Adult Bullying?
1. Choose a friend or co-worker who is kind and a caring, empathetic listener. Who do you know that is kind? Someone that is interested is key – not everyone is – for many various reasons.
2. Let your friend or co-worker know they do not have to listen in order to solve the problem – you simply want their caring and concern.
3. For advice, seek professional help and guidance. If you choose a therapist, choose someone who has a specialty in conflict resolution and workplace bullying. Ask about their results so far. Make sure you feel comfortable with them.
4. For support at work, ideally you should be able to approach your boss for understanding and protection. If your boss is the bully, you can try an EAP (Employee Assistance Program) or HR (Human Resources) representative. Before approaching these more formal support routes, ask if they have a workplace bullying or adult bullying policy and procedure plan in order to assist a target with adult bullying. You can begin to get a feel for how far you want to take your situation.
5. Last but not least, co-worker support can be very influential and powerful. Having two or more co-workers who are willing to serve as witnesses or support while you take a formal approach to your support needs can be key.
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Valerie Cade, CSP is a Workplace Bullying Expert, Speaker and Author of "Bully Free at Work: What You Can Do To Stop Workplace Bullying Now!" which has been distributed in over 100 countries worldwide. For presentations and consulting on workplace bullying prevention and respectful workplace implementation, go to http://www.BullyFreeAtWork.com
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Wow! That’s a really neat aneswr!
Is there any support group I can talk to them physically around DC, MD OR VA? It is very importat to creat support group in every state wich will make us more stronger and protective. If not let us work on it!!!
Sally
I tried this approach too, ( the shame tactic )when the bullies start in on their “selected target of the moment”…did you ever consider how DAMAGING YOUR WORDS are, and WHERE YOUR PUTTING YOURSELF, in the eyes of other employees in here…hmm….whats the matter, dont you like working here anymore???? looselips sink ships
you could also say something like this to: am I hearing you correctly, you want to ABUSE people today because of…..( whatever they mention that is degrading of another individual). Say it as a question. Say this everytime you hear someone harming another, when it is brought to your attention.
Stand up for yourself and your right to work in an environment free of all forms of harassment, etc. ( gee, I can see your not your GOOD self today, anything troubling you to cause you to be so negative and ABUSESIVE )when they start to say something…..politely, tell them company has a wonderful EAP Program – that they should consider because your at work to WORK, not at work to hear about “their personal problems”!!!!
I dont think it’s dangerous to go to your HR dept. or talk to your manager….the individuals that represent the titles ( HR, Manager, Supervisor, etc ) work for the Business , as well as the targets. Bullying comes about BECAUSE some of these individuals don’t know how to BEHAVE in a business…what is funny to one person maynot be funny to another, power struggles, lack of respect, hate crimes, rude people,rumor mongers,they are all part of the BUSINESS and it’s daily functions. The really sad part is….when people choose to disrupt the workplace by BULLYING OTHERS – because of their own personal issues – that they should have left at home – before going into work – are the individuals that shouldn’t be employed there. When businesses choose to overlook or pretend that bullying isn’t happening – when they know damn good and well that IT IS HAPPENING….is just opening up the doors for some real HR issues – that must be ADDRESSED and for some businesses ….to keep them out of court! No one has the right to take any individuals RIGHT away
to work in a environment free of harassment, etc.
If you really want a bully to stop harassing you….point out to him/her that they are an ABUSER!!!!!! ( something like…..OH, interesting, are we resulting into abusing people today – gee, what does that say about you???, smile and walk away!)…this has worked for me!
I had no support from anywhere and the companys’ HR department was patronising. I ended up leaving almost a year ago, and am currently using legal means to try and stem the on going (!!) slander. Yep even after leaving.
Sometimes it is a danger to go to HR or the Office Manager. They might prefer to support your bully boss because the boss is the one who brings in the money. They might tell your bully boss about what you had said, and since your boss is mostly interested in having power and control over you, your bully boss – rather than reflect on the complaint and try to change their ways – will become angry at you and more of a bully. I’ve found this to be true at a company that has a supposed policy of everyone being treated with respect. It is not enforced.
About the latest article – Where is the support? – Well there is none! I lost my livelihood my wife and kids, my friends and my own immediate family because I was bullied (almost to death – tried to kill myself twice) out of my job in the most vicious way!
No help from anyone, my family, friends, colleagues, Union(which ran away from this)!
I am left with nothing except hatred! If I can make the lives of the people who bullied me out of ‘My Life’ miserable and worse than my Life has become, I will! They deserve nothing better! They are animals, sorry to animals!! Bigots and thieves – of which I have physical evidence but what does that matter – they get to keep their snouts in the trough while I am left to whither!