Bullies at Work? Stop Bullying in the Workplace with the Bully Free at Work Blog

Welcome to Bully Free at Work: The BLOG
Dedicated to Stopping Workplace Bullying

Bullying in the Workplace occurs in every country in the world. For targets who experience Bullying at Work - my desire is to give you the very best tools and strategies to regain the confidence and respect that you deserve. And for managers and supervisors, it is my aspiration to give you the finest leadership support to create a healthy respectful workplace.

Stopping Workplace Bullying is everyone's responsibility - consider Bully Free at Work your go-to resource that will inspire, inform and allow you to implement well researched solutions that you can count on. Period.

We're in your corner,

Valerie Cade, Founder
Bully Free at Work

The 7 Steps: Stopping Organizational Workplace Bullying

August 25, 2010 | Click Here to Post a Comment »

What does a large organization do to create a Bully-Free at Work culture?

Question: What is a Bully-Free at Work culture?
Answer: The best way to get the truth about anything is to ask your customers. In this case, you would ask your staff on a scale of 1-5 ‘Do you feel the culture is Bully-Free’? If the response was less than a ‘5’, you would ask ‘What would make it a ‘5’?’.

Question: So what is the difference between a bullying situation or a difficult person situation? How do I know if it is bullying?
Answer: While there is no official or agreed-upon definition of workplace bullying, most contend is that bullying is deliberate, disrespectful, repeated behavior toward a target for the bully’s gain. It means yes, the bully is intentional and knows what they are doing.

Question: How do I know for sure if it is workplace bullying?
Answer: It is best to accurately document when the bullying happened, what happened, who was involved, how it made you feel and also list the aspect of how you felt the behavior was disrespectful. Showing many incidences of disrespectful behavior toward you, well documented, is a start.

Question: Can workplace bullying policies help?
Answer: I firmly believe workplace bullying policies are a must. Without them, people are not empowered. But be aware: even if a company or organization has a workplace bullying policy, the bully will still have tactics to move around such guidelines; so leaders and targets must be aware and plan not to be out-smarted by the bully. In addition, many policies fall short in requiring the documentation outlining the consequences of workplace bullying behavior. As I mentioned in the Globe and Mail (Click here to read article) (June 15th), policies and laws are a definite help AND they are only as strong as the people’s accountability to them.

Question: Can going to HR help?
Answer: That depends. HR, unions and senior managers are often not trained or rewarded for dealing with workplace bullying issues. Many HR managers express to me: “I’d like to help but I don’t know what to do; I’m caught in the middle because I cannot hold the bully accountable.”

Question: If we could wave a magic wand, how might an organization go about implementing a Bully-Free at Work culture?
Answer: It is complicated and it is simple. It is simple if the senior level decision makers believe this is a good thing to do and will stand behind the policies. It is more difficult if you do not have the majority of the key people on board. Similar to any large decision-making pool, it then becomes more about leadership and influence.

Question: Why do attempts to stop workplace bullying not really work?
Answer: You need senior level decision makers to ‘own’ the problem. Stopping workplace bullying must be the responsibility of everyone in an organization. The target must keep an accurate log of repeated events to support their case in order to avoid a ‘tail wagging the dog’ complaint structure many organizations are afraid of. The senior management must first believe in ‘people, then profits’ when it comes to workplace bullying situations and put proper resources into standing behind this belief. Training for managers on how to support targets as well as accountability skills for the entire organization in order to hold the bully accountable are necessary steps in this process. The bully will never be accountable; they will only adhere to consequences put forth by those who can enforce the consequences.

Valerie Cade, CSP is a Workplace Bullying Expert, Speaker and Author of “Bully Free at Work: What You Can Do To Stop Workplace Bullying Now” which has been distributed in over 100 countries worldwide. Feel free to contact Valerie to speak for your organization to inspire your organization to create a respectful workplace, to inform your people about workplace bullying and what they can do or to implement a workplace bullying policy that works. You have permission to use the above article in your newsletter, publication or email system. We ask you not to edit the content and that you leave the links and resource box intact.

© Bully Free at Work. All rights reserved: All trademarks used or referred to on this site are the property of their respective owners. No materials on this site may be reproduced, altered, or further distributed without Bully Free at Work’s prior written permission.

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Valerie Cade, CSP is a Workplace Bullying Expert, Speaker and Author of “Bully Free at Work: What You Can Do To Stop Workplace Bullying Now” which has been distributed in over 100 countries worldwide. Feel free to contact Valerie to speak for your organization: Val@BullyFreeAtWork.com

You have permission to use the above article in your newsletter, publication or email system. We ask you not to edit the content and that you leave the links and resource box intact.

© Bully Free at Work. All rights reserved: All trademarks used or referred to on this site are the property of their respective owners. No materials on this site may be reproduced, altered, or further distributed without Bully Free at Work’s prior written permission.

The Most Important Thing If You’re Being Bullied Is…

August 11, 2010 | Click Here to Post a Comment »

Do you want to know the single most important thing you can do for someone who feels they are being bullied? How about this: If you are being bullied and you would like the support of someone nearby, feel free to pass this message along to them as well. Here is the answer in three parts:

Time and Interest in Hearing the “Story”:

If you were to look at what happens when someone is being bullied, it usually involves an unfair power position where the target feels misunderstood, undervalued or poorly treated.

What the target wants: To be acknowledged for having gone through something so tough, to feel understood that it has been tough and to be listened to (with sincere interest) so they do not feel alone.

What the helper does: Tries to give advice to fix the problem.

What to Do if a Target Approaches You:

Make sure you have un-interrupted time to listen; if you don’t have time, suggest when a good time might be, or change your plans to ‘listen now’ if it is urgent.
Tell the target you are here to listen; “I’m with you all the way”.
Maintain good eye contact and resist the urge to interrupt and solve the problem.
Stay tuned into the story with the target, even if it doesn’t make complete sense to you.
Show your concern and care by stating: “That must have been difficult” or “Wow, this seems like a tough thing to go through”…
Reassure the target by saying: “I can see you want to solve this and that this bothers you very much. Just know I acknowledge how much this must upset you.”
Ask: “Is there anything else I can do to help”?

Worried?

What if the target ‘goes on and on’? Suggest a time frame. “I have about 10 minutes, would that be helpful?”
What if you have no idea how to solve this problem? Release the need to solve a problem you don’t know how to solve and the responsibility to do so. If you are a manager or a leader and feel the need to be more responsible, then you might want to become more educated in how to help targets. Our book, Bully Free at Work , if you have the book already, lists excellent tips throughout Chapter 10 on page 209.
What if you don’t really care? You have a choice. You can walk away. You can also discipline yourself to help out even if just for a few minutes. If you are really tapped here, suggest in a kind way whom they may be able to talk to instead.

Remember: There will be many things we do not understand and many things we cannot solve completely. This does not give ‘helpers’ the excuse to ignore, minimize or brush by a target’s need to gain support. Everyone in the world can give support and encouragement.

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Yes! You CAN Influence A Bully Boss.

August 4, 2010 | Click Here to Post a Comment »

One of the most frequent questions we are asked is: “How Can I Say Something To The Bully…Not At The Expense of Myself or Others?” Many of you are saying these four things:

1. “I don’t know what to say to the bully.”
2. “I want to say something but I am scared of retaliation.”
3. “I feel paralyzed and therefore I don’t stand up for myself.”
4. “I detest leaving an ‘incident’ where the bully got the upper hand…again. What can I do?”

It is commonplace for someone who’s been bullied to feel like the wind has been knocked right out of your sails. Call it shock. When this happens, most targets feel they’d still like to have the confidence to say ‘something’ rather than simply be a whipping board and stand by idly.

I used to think I was going crazy until:

I realized “Hey, I do have something to say…maybe I just need to know how I can ‘just say it’ without feeling the baggage.”
I began to see, “I have had good communication with others. The bully does not care to connect in a win-win way with me…and this says more about the bully than me.”
In order to have something change, I could wait for the bully to listen to me and ask me how I’m doing (this has NEVER worked), or;
I could learn Win-Win Assertiveness in order to have my needs met, meet the needs of the company as best as I can, and not harm too many people! What does this mean? I could say ‘something’ without sacrificing my values of wanting to be a kind person, yet I could deliver a powerful statement to the bully that will set a much needed boundary!

Here are 3 things I learned over the years:

1. When I realize and accept that the bully will never reach out to me, this is the first step to building back my self-confidence.

2. How to not take some of the things the bully does personally. Saying this is the easy part…knowing it – well, I must remember the bully is motivated by a deep insecure sense of low self-worth that started long before I came into the picture.

3. Knowing that the bully’s brutal behavior has nothing to do with me might be hard to swallow, but it is the truth. Self doubt, although very understandable, is exactly what the bully wants from me.

Did you know that I was bullied at work not just once, not just twice, but three distinct times? Did you know that I am experiencing a bullying situation right now?

So why am I telling you this? Even though I travel the world speaking to help people and organizations stop workplace bullying, I must confess I was blind-sided when this happened to me. Knowing what to do is helpful – make sure you get and stay educated.

Knowing that it’s happening is harder to detect, but by being educated in the first place, my resilience bounced back faster. However, the confidence of knowing what to say and planning what to say…well, let me be open with you – I decided to listen to “Win-Win Assertiveness”, and I was quickly reminded:

1. I was not alone;
2. I can say something
3. And I can now feel good about saying it.

So, these were the secrets that helped me once again!…and now we have people that we’ve helped in over 100 countries from all over the world. “Win-Win Assertiveness” not only has the best secrets of how to ‘say something to the bully’ (the ‘information’), but it is recorded live in 2 CDs complete with a CD workbook you can use to follow along. The live recording is your ‘inspiration’…working through this is your ‘implementation’ plan for moving ahead.

We all benefit from studying what has helped others. So why not take advantage of “Win-Win Assertiveness” and join me now by clicking below to order your set!

Isn’t it time to gain back some confidence? It really works!

For your step-by-step guide on how to stop the Workplace Bullying that is happening to you, order Bully Free at Work.

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What Does It Really Take to Stop Workplace Bullying?

July 21, 2010 | Click Here to Post a Comment »

Tackling workplace bullying involves many levels. Many think a one day seminar for employees will stop workplace bullying. While education is empowerment, more power is created when leadership supports and aligns with this education. Here are some simple (maybe not so easy) steps any leader can take in order to minimize the impact of workplace bullying.

The Situation:
A workplace is not ‘respectful’ just because there are posters declaring “We Respect our Employees” or “We Do Not Tolerate Disrespect”. Bottom line, the employees get to decide if the atmosphere at work is ‘respectful’.

Leaders: I encourage you to ask each employee: “What can I do to help you experience our workplace as respectful?” or ask them to rate their workplace environment on a scale of 1-5 with 5 being ‘excellent’. Anything less than a ‘5’, ask “What could make it a ‘5’”?

Employees will provide valid feedback and some will have a disposition of entitlement. Either way, you will want to know where each employee stands. If an employee feels like a ‘3’ out of ‘5’ at work, many (minus the superstar employees) will give at a ‘3’ level as well. Most people give what they get.

The Top 3 Things Leaders Can Do to Minimize the Impact of a Disrespectful Workplace:

Appreciation: When is the last time you ‘noticed’ each of your employees doing something well? Sincere appreciation of a job well done or effort is the number one motivator for employees. In its absence, it becomes a de-motivator. A leader’s job is to be able to notice the ‘good things’ and acknowledge and encourage these attributes. What gets rewarded gets repeated! PS: Don’t get caught ‘holding back appreciation’ because there is something you do not ‘like’ about this employee. By letting this mindset be your looking glass, you will never create the productivity and output from this employee. In fact, withholding praise and appreciation in cases like this is a form of bullying. It is deliberate, disrespectful and repeated. Leaders: you have the power to turn this around today. What can you notice and appreciate today?
Being Treated as an Insider: Remember when you were old enough and your parents shared ‘adult information’ with you such as finances, a worry, even asked your opinion? This works with employees too. Many leaders feel they need to be on top and that means not disclosing information. Some leaders hold back needed information as ‘information is power’. Great leaders share even incomplete information and take steps to involve employees in decision making. A favorite phrase I like to use with my employees is: “Well, what do you think?” or “What do you think of…?”. Leaving employees on the outside creates more of a division. Look for opportunities to share information earlier, even asking employees for their opinions. It is ok to show you are ‘not too sure’ or ‘struggling’; in fact, some employees will seek to help you solve problems and even be on your side. PS: Asking for input/help does not mean you are less of a leader!
Empathy for Problems: It has been said many times that the number one thing we can do for another’s growth is to show compassion. Compassion is passionate caring. It is sincere, and the other person feels supported. Employees will have work problems, and problems at home and in life too. Sticking to ‘business’ only is a sure way to distance yourself from employee loyalty. Many times an employee might be ‘acting out’ or mildly aggressive due to work demands or personal demands. Reprimanding is not your first course of action. Leaders should always remain curious to an employee’s situation and do some digging. Creating an empathetic understanding for an employee’s situation of stress is the first step to gaining back the employee’s best efforts. I’m not saying to excuse certain behaviors; but changing them involves empathy and understanding on the leader’s part. PS: Discipline without relationship is a dictatorship. Develop a relationship of caring and concern for your employees. The more you develop this, the more mileage you will have out of corrective action.

To the Leaders: Leaders, I know your desire is to ‘get things done’ with minimal distraction and interference. Employee loyalty only works with a disposition of caring, empathy and your appreciation of each employee. If you do not have this with certain employees, then do what it takes to identify what you want changed in order to create a ‘servant leader’ disposition. It’s the loyalty equation.

To the Employees: Many times your boss may not have had the leadership training in order to lead you well. In addition, employees often do not have an idea of the pressures their boss may carry. If you find yourself in a situation where you believe your boss is not treating you well, then be sure to read next week’s tip!

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Short Simple Come-Backs to Use With Workplace Bullies

July 14, 2010 | Click Here to Post a Comment »

Oprah has re-runs, and now so does Bully Free at Work! After 5 years and over 250 weekly messages, we wanted to share with you our top weekly message of all time: “Short Simple Come-Backs to Use With Workplace Bullies”.

You’ve mustered the courage to say something. You think “I have finally stood up to the workplace bully”, and when you do, they have a harsh come-back. Are you ready?

Be prepared – there will most likely be a come-back from most workplace bullies when they are confronted. Remember, they do not care, and they are often not aware. Also remember, if they operated from a secure base of high self esteem, they would usually naturally reach out to your statements with concern and compassion. Remember who you are dealing with.

You’ve said something…
There’s a come-back… (denial, counter-attack, victimhood)
Now it’s your turn!

And you can use this short simple approach with all workplace bullies.

Less Is More.

Here are three “Less Is More” short simple come-backs to help you deal with situations with office bullies.

Workplace bullies who talk on and on, pressuring you to agree with them. You feel you have to say something, but you don’t want to give your power away by showing you agree. Less is More: Say “Interesting” or “Oh”. This does not commit you!
Workplace bullies who are rude with sarcasm, put downs or back-handed statements that are not necessarily direct, but harmfully subtle. You want to address it, so you say “That seems direct” or “That seems harsh” or “That seems like a put-down to me”. The concept of using “That seems…” highlights your perception only, and it is enough of a diffusing comment to confuse the power plan of most workplace bullies.
Sometimes we feel we have to have a come-back in order to be powerful. Be silent and just stare back with confidence. This is the position that “that come-back doesn’t even deserve an acknowledgment”.

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10 Point Assessment: What is Respect? Curbing Bullying Behavior

July 7, 2010 | Click Here to Post a Comment »

What is Respect? Curbing Bullying Behavior

We are hired at work to produce results. There are many ways to produce many types of results, yet very often it is this confusion about “the way” which is not clearly defined, articulated and explained. Clarity assists with accountability.

Consider This:

An organization’s purpose is to get a result; ultimately commerce is involved at some level, thus “cutting costs” and “making profits” are part of any business.
To attract and develop trust with customers and staff, an organization will post a Vision, Mission and Values (the “why” the organization will conduct its behavior).
One of the top values organizations list today is the word Respect.
One of the top sources of employee dissatisfaction is experiencing what they would call “a lack of respect”.
There is a gap between saying an organization “respects one another”, and ensuring that if employees experience disrespect, there is an accountability system to address, correct, and continue.

So Let’s Be Clear… What is Respect?

Take our Workplace Bullying Respect Assessment to find out!

The Attitude of Respect: Rate yourself and your team on a scale of 5 – 1 (5 = Excellent, 1 = poor) on giving or receiving respect in the following situations:

Honoring each other as valuable.
Treating others with dignity.
Communicating to include, not exclude or control.
To be heard by another (seeking to understand) and to respond with courtesy and curiousity.
Acknowledging thoughts and feelings; not discounting, blaming or forcing to comply, but to be received as real.
Asking; not ordering, yelling at or swearing.
Providing clear and informative answers to questions that are legitimately your business.
Knowing the right to receive encouragement and support (rapport is caring, “report only” is no relationship).
Speaking of others positively.
Seeking to connect and build communication for both parties, as opposed to positioning for control.

Remember, part of the workplace bullying cycle is for the bully to confuse and thus have control over the target.

Respectful workplace relationships occur best when both parties agree the relationship is respectful.

Do You Believe In People In A Respectful Way?

Your beliefs become your thoughts.

Your thoughts become your words.

Your words become your actions.

Your actions become your habits.

Your habits become your values.

Your values become your destiny.

– Mahatma Gandhi

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Bullying Tactics: Silence and Violence

June 30, 2010 | Click Here to Post a Comment »

Can you recall having a wonderful 2-way conversation with someone? Yes? Good. Remember that it is possible. This memory, or anchor, can serve as your reality check when you are faced with having to converse with a difficult workplace bully and you just can’t seem to connect.

Do You?

Wonder why the bully is not “hearing you”?
Doubt yourself, thinking “what could I do to get this person to hear and acknowledge me?”.
Analyze your conversation, scanning for more clues as to what you could do to turn things around?

Well, Here’s What You Can Do:
Ask yourself: “Is this a respectful exchange where both parties are curious, keen, and looking to connect for a win-win relationship? If not, identify if the other party is using Silence or Violence in order to disconnect from a win-win.

Silence:
Types: Withholding, avoiding, withdrawing, masking.
What Is It? Not contributing is a means of control over a target.

Violence:
Types: Threatening, attacking, name-calling, not let you finish your statement.
What Is It? Direct and overbearing communication toward a target designed to get the target to back down or feel “less than” in order to gain control.

Learning to identify these behaviors is key to empowering yourself. Remember NAMING what is happening is crucial to putting a healthy boundary between you and the bully.

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How the Bully Avoids Accountability to a Workplace Bullying Policy

June 15, 2010 | Click Here to View 3 Comments or Post Your Own »

Workplace bullying occurs because it can. Simply put, it takes a village to raise a child; it also takes a village to support the interests of its players. The question then becomes, what game are you playing? A company or organization exists to make a profit and to attain results. To the employer, a workplace bullying incident ‘takes time and energy away from profits and results’ in the short term. Companies and organizations that have long term vision value people before profits, and thus the benefit in addressing workplace bullying situations.

I have been interviewed many times this week with regard to Ontario, Canada’s new Bill 168 becoming legislation just yesterday. The question that I have received the most has been: “Will this new Bill help stop workplace bullying”? My response as noted in the Globe and Mail was that any law is only as good as the leadership support around it.

Even if a company or organization has a workplace bullying policy, the bully will still have tactics to move around such guidelines, so leaders and targets must be aware and plan not to be out-smarted by the bully.

1. With much of the legislation, there is no documentation outlining the consequences of workplace bullying behavior. For this reason, it is easier to get rid of targets than to support them. (Often the target waits to take action internally and by this time, they are too ill to take legal action. Also quite possibly they are facing job loss and financial ruin due to their state of mind).

2. Bullies are adept at deception, especially the manipulation of HR and management’s perceptions of their target. They will often appear confident, in control and capable, even charming. This is an illusion and a front which employers often fail to see beyond.

3. Many times an employer’s main concern is profit and productivity, and if a case looks ‘overwhelming’ and ‘hard to solve easily’ then no one seems to own the problem unless the target keeps pressing in with resources and support they often do not have. The case is dragged out and is only closed due to the exhaustion of the target.

4. Bullies have often made friends and alliances with senior management and are thus protected when a case comes about. The bully is given more room and support as a result of their connections above.

5. Employers are frightened of the legal action by both the target and the bully! Who do you think would have more resources? The larger employers have unlimited resources when it comes to engaging legal representation to defend a case against a target’s claim. The bully is protected once again as it is not ‘great press’ to have a workplace bullying issue out of hand and noted in the media (even though the target might be justified by their case, the organization will do what it can to defend their organization’s name).

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Did You Know?

Bill 168 was enacted in Ontario, Canada just yesterday. What are your thoughts on this bill? Do you feel more protected? What needs to happen? Let us know by replying!
Bully Free at Work will be creating a video blog later this summer. Let us know your thoughts on receiving a short video message as a result of our weekly tip series!

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6. The bully will often gather others to be on their side, either by direct force or by being so powerful it keeps others silent from supporting the target. HR and senior management can be fooled into believing ‘this is only in the target’s mind’ and be swept up into thinking it sure would be easier to remove the now unproductive target then deal with this issue.

7. The bully is often a high producer by their striving nature. Why would an organization let someone like this go?

8. The senior management and HR who are approached find it easier to subscribe to ‘shooting the messenger’.

9. HR, unions and senior managers are not trained or rewarded for dealing with workplace bullying issues so why would they seek them out? It takes time away from productivity; and in addition, it can be exhausting to try and solve a problem you have very few skills or authority to address. What gets rewarded gets repeated: profits and productivity are rewarded in most organizations, not more intangible factors to success such as team morale, dealing with and solving issues etc.

10. No one ‘owns’ the problem. Stopping workplace bullying must be the responsibility of everyone in an organization. The target must keep an accurate log of repeated events to support their case in order to avoid a ‘tail wagging the dog’ complaint structure many organizations are afraid of. The senior management must first believe in people, then profits when it comes to workplace bullying situations and put proper resources into standing behind this belief. Training for managers on how to support targets as well as accountability skills for the entire organization in order to hold the bully accountable are necessary steps in this process. The bully will never be accountable; they will only adhere to consequences put forth by those who can enforce the consequences.

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The Top 10 Reasons Why the HR Process ‘Might Not Be Working for You’

June 8, 2010 | Click Here to Post a Comment »

If an organization does have a workplace bullying process which employees can use, does it even work? Like any movement of change in society, we must start with awareness; once aware, then effective leadership is required to create the change. You cannot change what you do not acknowledge; you cannot lead without authority. Human resource professionals, often the ‘go-to’ department for workplace bullying complaints, are often held responsible for handling employee grievances. Why are only 8% of employees using a grievance process?

1. Human resource professionals are often not responsible for protecting the workplace culture, meaning if the culture goes unprotected, they often have their hands tied and they cannot affect true systemic change from where they reside in the company.

2. Human resource professionals are not trained in dealing with workplace bullying from an organizational management standpoint.

3. In addition, Human Resources are often not even trained or have the time to assist employees with coping skills to handle workplace bullying situations.

4. If HR does have the workplace bullying coping skills to transfer to employees, then an additional challenge pops up: HR has very little authority over the target’s boss (80% of bullying occurs with one’s boss) in order to support the target by trying to stage a conflict resolution or intervention.

5. Let’s face it, when it comes down to where to put one’s energy, HR does not report to the employees like an elected official would report to their ‘people’. The role of HR is to keep the employer out of court.

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Did You Know?

You can begin to help co-workers and HR become more familiar with workplace bullying issues by suggesting the 5 Day Bully Free at Work E-Course. Feel free to pass along this free resource so the awareness can foster at every level.

To receive your Free 5-Day Bully Free at Work E-Course to help you stop workplace bullying, click here.

Do you want a tip to know how to suggest the 5 Day Bully Free at Work E-Course to your co-workers and managers? Check out Valerie’s video clip to help you out called: “How Can I Get Them to Listen”? Click here!

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6. The organization does not have a workplace bullying policy so it’s not a disciplinary issue, and one cannot hold the bully accountable to an agreed upon standard or code of conduct.

7. Once the case finally gets attention, HR meets both the bully and the target. The bully comes across as capable and charming and the target has been worn down by the exhaustion and might display behavior that is unconvincing, inarticulate, and ‘overly’ emotional. The bully will position the target as ‘weak’ and therefore the target might now be seen as a liability. HR, wanting to move through the case, might dismiss the target’s needs altogether.

8. The bully is a high producer and getting rid of the bully seems harder than getting rid of or moving someone who is now appearing ‘less productive’ due to the added stress. Bottom line, the bully stays.

9. Even if someone did have the full authority to deal with workplace bullying and take measures to stop it, most HR departments and managers are not trained to know what to do, systemically (what the organization can do) as well as coaching on coping skills. (For a 1:1 session with Valerie to help you help your organization stop workplace bullying
click here to set up an appointment time).

10. Workplace bullying cases are often drawn out, exhausting and so complex that many HR professionals don’t have the ‘extra’ time, stamina or proper resources to manage the situation effectively. Many HR professionals do care; in fact, some are even being bullied too. Be sure to check out “What Employers Can Do” in pages 209-222 of Bully Free at Work to help you craft a workplace bullying policy that works.

And for Next Week:
How the Bully Avoids Accountability to a Workplace Bullying Policy

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10 One-Liners You Can Say to Gain Back Control from the Bully!

June 1, 2010 | Click Here to Post a Comment »

Can coping with a workplace bully be as simple as uttering a ‘one-line’ comment? Let me ask you this: What’s the alternative? To try and explain yourself will only invite the bully to deny, counter-attack and then play the victim.

The key is to not give the bully more ammunition; they will only use it against you. If you find yourself being targeted by a workplace bully’s verbal abuse, then considering going with the notion of ‘less is more’ (and also knowing that sometimes saying more will get you less) is a very powerful technique you can use right now and it will save you energy too! For the ‘Top 21 Tips to Help You Cope with Workplace Bullying’ check out page 181 in Bully Free at Work.

1. When the bully is ‘going on and on’ about something: Say: “Interesting…” and leave it at that.

2. When the bully demands your time and you don’t want to give your time: Say “I’m just in the middle of something.” (Hey, you’re always in the middle of something, even if it’s your couch!)

3. When the bully challenges you on your attitude: Say: “I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.”

4. When the bully says, “I was only joking”: Say: “It’s only a joke if we’re both laughing.”

5. When the bully is going on and on about something and you don’t want to commit, get into a dialogue or get into an argument: Say: “Thanks for sharing.”

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Did You Know?

Want to see Valerie’s video clip on ‘What is Workplace Bullying’? Click here and share it with your co-workers!
You can purchase “Win-Win Assertiveness: How to get what you want, not at the expense of yourself or others” which has been our number one selling CD album complete with workbook. Click here to order.

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Now, Five More One-Liners You Can Use!

6. Just because you share your concerns with a bully does not mean they will be accountable to your wishes! To start nailing down an agreement after you’ve spoken: Say: “Just so I’m clear, our agreement is…” (For more on how to hold the bully accountable check out page 170 in Bully Free at Work)!

7. Interrupted by the bully? Say: “Oh, excuse me I wasn’t finished yet.”

8. If the bully is pressuring you to agree and you don’t agree: Say: “I see…”

9. When the bully keeps pushing you for an answer and you don’t think they are right: Say, “You might be right.”

10. Silence and a stare with confidence can often say more than any attempt to ‘explain’ to be understood.

Next week by request! ‘The Top 10 Reasons Why the HR Process ‘Might Not Be Working for You’

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